It is very well known about BDSM that it is an acronym for terms altogether called bondage and discipline, dominance or submission, sadism, and masochism. These terms are collectively are referred to as kink especially the behavior involved in it. It is also in a broad sense used for non-normative sexuality, as per Larrisa Pham, a blog writer.
As said by one of the active players, it allows her to process complex, traumatic experiences in a way that is safe and consensual. It is the appeal that lies in how it allows her to access pain and that she can end up anytime she wants with her safe word. It is the experience that gives both the partners what they need under full control. It was something different for Lauren a queer woman who identifies as a switch, when she started enjoying that she has written, “Baring the best and worst of human nature, not holding back, being fully with someone without any shame.”
What Kind of People Enjoy BDSM?
In the opinion of Zack Graham, a writer living in New York found it scary and disgusting but when he was taught by his girlfriends to make him understand the kink he agreed that it is one of the best ways of intensifying sex and deepening trust. These were some of the experiences that people shared regarding their first exploration and it was quite an exhilarating one.
The Security with Trust
It is the trust that prominently comes out of all the conversations which turn on and the biggest draw in a healthy encounter. Pushing boundaries together is one way of strengthening and deepening the trust, as well as makes one learn risk management. It is important to trust your partner to take your care during the session and after the session both physically and emotionally.
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At one end where vanilla sex and dating do not carry any term as consent or an open discussion on what one desires because those conversations aren’t an explicit part of the courtship success. Things like when to have sex, what kind of sex to have, and how the relationship dynamics might be established have no existence as they are not felt to be discussed. However, it requires an explicit discussion of each individual’s needs, fantasies, and limitations, which gives them both the approach towards the heightened sense of simultaneous freedom and security.
As per Allison, a white Jewish, queer woman, a submission is an act of trust. It’s also an act that provides her with a deep sense of security. With all the studies made one thing that seems common in all that it the trust and secured feeling that makes a more preferred act over vanilla sex, it gives new boundaries to the performers as well as a sense of belongingness.
The Misery and Depiction
A healthy this relationship is consensual and mutually gratifying to both parties, it’s never abusive, emphasized by the members of the community. It play has a therapeutic effect on troubled couples. Lauren wrote regarding her experience with consensual non-consent play, also known as rape play. This way it makes the practitioners in roles of power where they might have previously been powerless, the depiction it makes.
Power
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Power is the key to make it impossible that there can be any BDSM without power. Power is applied everywhere in it. More exactly when power exchange is held, it is done to achieve a predetermined outcome people engage with an existing and created power dynamic.
Sometimes it could be scripted down to the dialogue or less so that it might simply be a set of power dynamics with room for both the partners to explore their desires and limits.
A self-described “straight white-dominant guy” Jeff says, “The irony of the BDSM dom fantasy, of using the other person purely for your own enjoyment, is of course that you’re intensely focused on their enjoyment.” The thing that makes the work as a practice is the mutual exchange of power.
As said by Xan West, “What I think BDSM offers the possibility of, is models for conscious engagement with power and consensual negotiation of power in relationships.” She continues, “We cannot create relationships that are free of power, however much we may wish that were possible. We play out power and privilege in our relationships all the time.” As it offers the possibility of, is a model for conscious engagement with power and consensual negotiation of power in relationships.
As said by many of the BDSM players that it is very obvious and normal that one gets hurt in the scene, physically or emotionally, after all, kinky people are still people and abusive or bad behavior can be covered up by kink dynamics. There is a framework for thinking about power, it is assumed that it’s not possible to have sex without power. It also requires consent and discussion of triggers and boundaries which could benefit vanilla without any kink even where there is no scope of open discussions or any boundaries.
To conclude, it is an intensely psychological practice, but it’s also one intimately entangled with power, privilege, and access. It is the practice relying more on self-discovery and self-exploration. This is a space to examine oneself, push boundaries, and transform in an unexpected and thrilling way.