The grand success of the novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James with more than 100 million copies sold with its other series getting the same response, the movie generated of it shows the wide interest of people in BDSM- bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. If you are fantasized about getting kinky in bed, don’t be shy you are not the only one many are there.
“There are two essential things to know about BDSM,” as per Britton. “ It is always voluntary, and the reason people do it is that it feels good. There’s something about transcending pain that can be almost a spiritual experience,” she continues.
The Universality of BDSM: People Practicing BDSM
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, published on 3 March online gave the data that around 60 percent of men and 47 percent of women have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, in the same it has been shown that more of women and less of men get aroused by the idea of being dominated. In the same research, it has been studied that almost around 47 percent of adults are interested in the nontraditional way of sexual activity, whereas about 33.9 percent said that they had experienced the same at least once in their past.
Chronicle of BDSM: Not a New Concept
1. When you search about BDSM in history you won’t find it new. It has been in practice for a long time for more than 2,000 years.
2. As per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868, art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome showed physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus.
3. The revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago The Kama Sutra describes six erotic points to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It has separate chapters on “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles”.
4. A French aristocrat The Marquis de Sade from 1740 to 1814 gave origin to the term “sadism” while writing a variety of short stories and erotic novels expressing being beaten and beating others.
5. The term masochism similarly has originated from the name of an Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher Masoch, who wrote about the dominant-submissive relationship in his novel Venus in Furs in 1870.
6. A Kinsey Institute Study in 1953, found that 50 percent of men and 55 percent of women get aroused by biting.
7. Prior to the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey, about 36 percent of people were found to have experienced sex using masks, blindfolds, and many other forms of bondage, as per the survey organized by the Durex Global Sex in 2005.
So for a variety of sexual practices that include bondage, dominance, and sadomasochism has got an acronym as BDSM. It involves people playing some specific roles or pain play. It is often projected as a taboo or deviant, in actual it is very common in individuals and couples.
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TYPES OF BDSM:
It is important to know that BDSM is all the game of consent, it does involves pain play, humiliation, or role-playing by dominant and submissive characters but needs to follow certain safety precautions. Along with the general safe sex rules it includes some pre-sex negotiations, disclosure, safe words, and most importantly consent.
What is BDSM Important Types of Practice:
Dominance and Submission: One being the dominatrix and the other as submissive, the dom plays the master and the sub follows the order. As per Dr. O’Reilly BDSM involves a wide range of complementary activities that involves some degrees of power differentials. The partners must decide who’s going to play the Dominant and who’s going to play the Submissive. It’s extremely important to interchange the roles experience the shared sexual destiny by being in control, says Annabelle. Top/bottom is another term used for the Dominant/ Submissive.“ In BDSM dominant partner generally the bottom is the submissive partner,” she says. But in some cases, bottoms can also be the more demanding the top to perform certain acts of their choice and even insist on switching roles.
The Submissive lover is the one who keeps the trust and learning, it involves giving away the charge of mind and body to your lover fully. A submissive lover always expects a level of balance and to be able to guide sex of their own desires and the level of pressure they can tolerate within their boundaries.
According to a dominatrix in Los Angeles, a Ph.D. holder in clinical psychology explains Mistress Damiana Chi “The core of BDSM is the psychological part. For BDSM to be real, it has to involve an exchange of power with a lot of trust and respect.”
BONDAGE
The term bondage is actually the practice of physical restraint. It is usually a sexual practice but not always. A study of over 1,000 Canadians revealed that more than 50 percent of men held fantasies of bondage and the same as for women. Bondage in the actual sense binding the partner by tying their appendages together, maybe with the help of handcuffs or ropes, or by lashing their arms to an object.
DISCIPLINE
The term describes psychological restrains, with the use of rules and includes punishment for any overt behavior. The punishments may vary from being physical( like caning), psychological like humiliation( such as public flagellation), or taking away the freedom. Another aspect is the structured training of the bottom.
Sadomasochism refers to the aspects of BDSM surrounding the exchange of physical or emotional pain. Sadism term describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain, degradation, the humiliation of another person to suffer.
MASOCHIST: They enjoy being hurt, humiliated, or suffering within the consensual scenario.
Wax play: it is the form of BDSM practice where wax is dripped onto the naked person’s skin to give a slight burning sensation to the skin.
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Impact play: In this human sexual practice where one person is struck by another for the gratification of either or both parties which may be sexual in nature or may not be.
Roleplay: some roles like teacher-student relation, doctor-patient relationship, or any other in their sex life and perform the activities in their roles. It is taken up for a specified period of time.
Sensation play/edge play: in these sessions the top introduces the bottom to a variety of sensual experiences, such as pinching, biting, scratching with fingernails, or it can be spanking as well.
Humiliation play: It is a consensual psychological humiliation performed to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal.
SAFETY RULES:
As in vanilla sex where no such safety rules or precautions are there, BDSM sessions often need to follow a wider array of safety rules. A pre-play negotiation, especially amongst those who are unknown to each other very well needs to be formed.
Safe -words need to be decided earlier before engaging in the act, they need to understand practical safety aspects. All the terms and conditions should be made clear under contract as the things should not have crossed the planned or the threshold one cannot handle. They are something both parties need to remember and recognize.
The most commonly used safe words are red and yellow, where red means the act needs to be stopped immediately, and yellow means that the activity needs to slow down. Green is used to continue the activity as it is desired.
BDSM is the concept of SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL(SSC), which needs to be maintained in a healthy BDSM relationship. Another ideology of RACK standing for “risk-aware, consensual, kink” takes up the concept of consent. RACK is preferred more over SSC as it includes the risk term into it which is always present in BDSM, no matter what you take up, safety is most important.
Safe words are necessary even if you don’t find them important especially in the case when you are in long-term relationships with your partner. It works well even with the doms when it doesn’t work well with your submissive partner.
PHYSICAL SAFETY
BDSM is the performing act that includes acts where physical restraints and many other forms of tortures are included which leads to pleasure but through the way of pain so there are possibilities of drawing blood, cutting off circulation, or any other kind of harm. It is always advisable to have an easy way out of a scene in an event of an emergency. The keys to the cuffs should be nearby. Don’t use silk to bind the partner, as it can be tightened and may cut off circulation.
While using toys make sure they are being properly sterilized as they may be the carriers of many diseases. Try out with some plastic, glass, or steel accessories. Impact toys like floggers, whips can draw blood, do take care of transmitting diseases, or sometimes it may cause permanent harm to one’s body. Extreme bruising of buttocks may make it difficult to sit after a scene. So do give extra care to the one whom you want to continue as your partners always, as it is all about love, care, and pleasure. offering an ice-cream or cuddling can be good aftercare and can help heal from the extremes of the situation.