As said by a sex therapist in New York City and author of Modern Sexuality Michael Aaron, BDSM involves major terms in three groupings, where BD as bondage and discipline. Bondage and discipline consist of the activities of tying people and restraining them along with certain rules and meting up punishments. The other group consists of DS, Dominance, and submission which is more about power dynamics. Basically in this form, one person will have power over the other which can be either physical, emotional or both. The last pair of the four letters gives SM, which is expressed as “sadomasochism”. Here two differently related activities are combined S for sadism, which means one who likes to inflict pain, and M for masochism, who likes to receive pain.
Now the thing that we are here to discuss is people have certain misconceptions about BDSM, and in reality, there is no such thing actually exists. These may be considered as the pre-assumptions people have in their minds without going into detail. Some of it we will take up over here and will analyze it.
Top 10 Myths About BDSM
Myth No 1: Its All Sex
It is one of the biggest pre-conception about BDSM that it is all for sex, but it is completely the choice of players. It may or may not be involved at all. It all about the power play, or the way of expressing your deep buried fantasy, come alive expressing with the help of the acts played through BDSM. With the experience of a certified sex coach Stephanie Hunter Jones, Ph.D., people come to her and feel shame about their wild fantasy. It’s quite normal and natural to have a fantasy BDSM. This is one of the best ways to explore your fantasy and healthy too.
Myth No 2: Past Trauma Is All BDSM
It has been found in a study in 2013 published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, that those who are involved in BDSM are mentally sound, they don’t carry any misfortunes in their past. It is taken up by people as the ways of recreational leisure, rather than an expression of psychopathological processes. It is one of the biggest misconceptions that only those who have a traumatic past get involved in BDSM, which is not right to any extent. It is absolutely normal.
Myth No 3: Emotionally Damaging
BDSM seems to as the healing tool to those vanilla couples who have not thought about BDSM as one of the ways of medication. According to Jones, it gives one the power who feels deprived of his/her power and struggling with control and power dynamics. It has helped in saving many relationships.
RED FEATHER NIPPLE CLIPS
Myth No 4: Dominant Is In The Charge Always
From the word concern Dominant, the term seems to have more weightage in the whole act. But it is just opposite to what is seen, submissive are the actual rulers when the safe words are discussed and can say no to any further action. Being a submissive is under someone else’s control, they may need to make use of safe words more. As soon as the submissive gives the safe word the show must stop without any questions to be asked.
Myth No 5: Many Expensive Accessories Are Needed
That’s not at all true, no need to go for any extravaganza show business. Don’t try to be like Christian Grey using all that stuff supplies, like handcuffs, whips, paddles, floggers, etc., instead use your own hands to spank, fingers to tickle, or a tie for tying each-other. You can try anything available in your surrounding and explore more ways to deal with the one. It does not always include the impressive set-ups as shown in the movies related to BDSM, you can choose any from your hardware or kitchenware as well.
Myth No 6: It Shows On The Face Of The Players
Even though the players of BDSM are successful professionals who are generally educated, full-time workers and do maintain a healthy family life. If anyone wearing jewelry with the emblem showing masks, lock-key or only keys, choker style dog collars showing their identity as the BDSM community members. This is not acceptable always, there is no such proof of this.
Myth No 7: It Is Spontaneous And Can Extend Upto Violence
In the very beginning of the gameplay it has been explained that BDSM is all the fair participation of individuals who have already taken consent of each other, there are mutual trust and negotiations that play a major role in the whole scene. With all these, it develops a kind of trust and deep bonding between the players filled with love, pleasure, and satisfaction, most importantly. Infliction of pain or any use of control is already in the context of fantasy, it includes the role-playing of cohabiting sex.
Myth No 8: One Who Is Submissive Or Dominant In Actual Prefer To Play As Same
A sex researcher Debra Soh, found in her research that several men who identifies as Type A alpha males at their workplace and in their relationships, love to move around in leash and being spanked. It can be a vice-versa concerning the role one plays in front of the public and in the bedroom.
Myth No 9: One Can Be Either Dominant Or Submissive
“Switch” is the term used in the BDSM community that makes the partners open to both types of roles a Dominant or a Submissive, depending upon the preference of their partners or their mood. It’s not like to remain in the same role always.
Myth No 10: Dominants Are Men Always Women Are Not
One of the veteran members of the BDSM community and sex therapist Gloria Brame, author of Different Loving, “Women are just as likely as men to enjoy being in charge and control.” A woman can be a dominant and man being submissive or vice-versa. You can choose any or play as a switch as per your terms and conditions.
The fundamental behind the play is that people are playing with power along with due consent with a certain process. There is a large group of relationships and dynamics, not limited to within certain relationships. It’s really about the exchange of power and consensual role-play, as said by a professor of psychology at the University of California Santa Cruz.