Do’s and Don’ts of Vacation Sex
Here are some simple rules to help turn up the heat on any tropical or summertime couple’s vacation:
1. Don’t stress about your bathing-suit body. You don’t go on vacation with the body you want, you go on vacation with the body you have. There’s nothing you can do about it now. The only person concerned with your imperfections is you. No one on the beach is giving your body a second thought, except for your partner, and all they’re thinking is they can’t wait to rock it later.
2. Do make sunscreen application an art form. Think of it as foreplay. Take some tips from a professional massage expert and make rubbing lotion onto your partner’s hard to reach spots not only thorough, but thoroughly enjoyable.
3. Don’t have intercourse in the water. It’s really not the safest sex.
4. Do engage in PDA. Whether you’ve been together for five weeks, or five years, vacations bring out the snugglies in everyone. Just go with it: Hold hands on the beach, kiss underwater, make googly eyes over romantic, candle-lit dinners.
5. Don’t go overboard with the PDA. Remember to be respectful of your fellow vacationers. Not everyone wants their beach views to be NC-17.
6. Do give your summer a scent. Bring along a new deodorant, perfume, or travel candle. With your sense of smell tied so powerfully to your memory, this new scent will forever transport you back to this sensual, tranquil vacation every time you get a whiff of it.
7. Don’t have sex on the beach. Sand in your delicate nooks and crannies does not make for a pleasant sensual experience, unless you’re a masochist.
8. Do drink Sex on the Beach. Vacation is really the only time you can drink ridiculously-named umbrella cocktails without shame. When you loosen this inhibition, others will follow.
9. Do bring travel-friendly sex toys. There are lots of small, compact sex toys that won’t take up a lot of room in your suitcase (a.k.a. high impact, low weight): Lube packets, love rings, small vibrating bullets and eggs, waterproof pocket rockets, wrist cuffs, etc.
10. Don’t pack them on your carry-on. You’ve been spared the humiliating naked-under-your-clothes body scans by the TSA. Don’t add your own indignity by packing a favorite vibe in your purse which is sure to raise some red flags, thus inconveniencing your fellow passengers as they wait for all the TSA employees to get a good giggle in at your expense.
11. Do sleep naked. Especially if you don’t normally back home. Tropical breezes feel nice on bare skin.
12. Don’t do it on the hotel bedspreads. You’ve heard the horror stories about how dirty hotel bedspreads are. If you get “dirty” on top of the bed, not only are you exposing yourself to cooties, you’re compounding the problem!
13. Do get a couples massage. On the beach, if possible. Vacation is one of the best times to splurge on this ridiculously indulgent experience: afterwards, you’ll both feel relaxed, chilled out, and physically stimulated — the perfect time to get it on. If the couples massage is outside of your budget, just drink more Sex on the Beach and rub each other down instead.
14. Don’t forget to pack the birth control. Nothing’ll ruin your vacation like scrambling to get a prescription for Plan B in a foreign country.
(Except the headline, the post has not been edited by Team Kamuklife and orginially appeared at Huffingtonpost)