5 Indicators that show the Chemistry is Evaporating from Your Relationship
The problem with human perception is that when things are going good – we can sense it from a mile away, but when things start going south, it takes us a lot of time to comprehend. Sometimes the time taken to understand things is so long, that by the time we get it – there is nothing we can do about it. The same principle applies to relationships. The chemistry which brought you together by magic, will not stay there forever. Here is how to know whether the magic has started wearing off already.
Every single disaster has its early signs. The signs may be small, miniscule even; but they are always there; that is how nature works. The same thing holds true for relationships and their crash. If you are really looking around, you will know about very early. Here are a few sure-shot signs that the magic of your relationship has to be re-evaluated:
You just don’t feel it.
This is one of the most complex ones to gauge. It does not occur one fine day; you slowly start getting it. Everything must be going fine and then one day you had a fight and then the other day you had another one. Or maybe, you start seeing your partner and just don’t feel the same tingling music within you. What do you do then?
The first thing to do is – acknowledge these emotions. There is absolutely nothing wrong about having them. Every single time when you end a relationship at the wrong point, you know you could’ve ended it earlier and saved the damaging from happening in the first place. When you acknowledge that there are problems, the only thing you can do is address them. How? By talking to your partner. This is something which will impact both of you. Maybe, you just need to spend some very special time with your partner or need some space or want them to know about this – and for most of the people going through this, it’s just a phase which can be treated with finesses.
So the key to solving this one is – acknowledge, talk and solve it up.
You are hiding things from each other.
When you step into a relationship, you are letting a person enter your personal space. They will see you the way you are – that is the key difference between a serious relationship versus the ones you might have had in your high-school. People start seeing you the way you are, and that is completely fine; but none of us wants to be vulnerable enough – what if you let them all in and then they don’t like you? What if your idiosyncrasies are just too immature? This is where the problem begins and it later evolves into people hiding significant parts of their story from their partner.
The worst situation to be into – is when you know your partner is hiding things from you and you feel helpless. The way to go ahead with this is not simple, but definitely doable. You have to feel secure around your partner and your partner has to feel the same. The only point at which we would hide something from our significant other selves is when we have something dreadful to hide or when we are simply not feeling safe enough. The safety is built on trust which is built on truth and honesty. The magical thing here is that when you open up to your partner, they will naturally feel inclined to open up to you.
You have a secret fantasy? Great, talk to your partner about it; bring it to life if you want to. You hate your job but are in it because of peer pressure? No problem; tell your partner about it and the next time you are home she/he will be there to have you in her/his arms, away from all pressures.
Everything feels like a lot of work.
There are people who are lazy, but when in an honest relationship – even they will get off the couch and do something special for their loved ones. The way relationships work is simple – you have to work day in and day out, and that is the only way to make the relationship magic stay in there; but what if, you don’t feel like working anymore? What do you do then? A very simple analysis. Whenever your brain has to take up a task, it naturally looks into the effort-reward ratio. Your brain is always trying to answer the same question – for this amount of efforts, is the pay-off worth it? This is a natural phenomenon because since our days of hunting on a daily basis, we have had a limited amount of energy and our brains got trained on utilizing it.
Hence comes the million-dollar conclusion – you don’t like putting in the effort because somewhere you feel that the reward might just not be worth all the trouble. Now, once you have known this phenomenon, you can simply take up a set of things:
- Try remembering why you got into this relationship in the first place. Sometimes, in working from one day to another, we forget the big picture. Hence, go back to the roots and see why did you get into this with your partner.
- Assess – what happened to that purpose? What happened to feeling deeply connected? Is there anything specifically wrong or are you just boggled down by a lot of pressure of other things in your relationship?
- Finally, see – what is not working. Is your relationship at fault or are other things exerting pressure on your energy levels and hence putting you out of mental bandwidth to deal with things?
If you honestly answer all of these, you will know the next steps.
You’re fighting more often for the trivial things.
Fights are healthy – they really are, if done the right way. Yes, there is a right way of fighting and that is when you are fighting for principle reasons or fundamental reasons. Maybe, you have different outlooks at life or maybe there is something about the larger scheme of things where you have a different opinion. Having a different opinion does not mean you cannot be together. As a matter of fact, the real beauty of it all is, once you know that you have different opinions and you still have deep rooted emotions for each other – your relationship only gets stronger.
The problem is because of the other type of fights.
“Why is the wet towel on the bed?”
“Why do you put so much salt in the food?”
“I don’t like going to noisy places with you.”
“What kind of a shirt is that?”
“Why are you sleeping in my place?”
And so on. The problem here is not in the fights but the real underlying reason for these fights, which is not being addressed altogether. Maybe, you have to reassess your priorities as a couple and see where do you want to take things. Or maybe, something someone said did not work with the other one and it is resulting in sub-conscious animosity. See things for what they are and take it ahead.
There is silence.
Are you wondering that all these signs are way too subtle for you to acknowledge? There is also physics playing into the entire scene here. When relationships get started there is motion, a lot of activity inside and outside the brain – there are long conversations, passionate love making sessions and thrilling experiences of going out together. As the excitement of something new starts wearing off, all that motion settles and you are left with silence. Silence is not unhealthy all the times, sometimes that is exactly what you need to think about things. Silence is damaging when you know it is deliberate in the sense that the other person cannot do anything but just ‘exist’ around you. In this stage, everything has become so mundane that you almost have accepted the mundanity as reality.
A remarkable way of looking at this is – look inside out. Almost every single time, we let what happens outside the bedroom dictate what happens inside the bedroom. Why not turn it on its head? KamukLife can help you let your relationship go in the right direction, riding the waves of your amazing romantic experiences. Visit our entire range to find out how you can do that!